Transformative Yom Kippur

Posted by on Oct 09, 2008 in Yom Kippur | Comments Off on Transformative Yom Kippur

Yom Kippur worked its powerful magic on me this year.  It’s just a few minutes after sundown, and I have had my first sip of water and bite of food (egg & pomegranate seeds) in 25 hours.  I can say that this year the experience has profoundly affected me.  I feel like I’ve been spiritually and mentally reset. I also feel a bit weak, woozy, and head-achy, but that will pass soon.

Just before Kol Nidre last night, I turned off my Blackberry.  I couldn’t resist the call to glance at work email one last time.  I’d say it was stupid, but the email I saw is what caused the experience I had this year.  It was a client email that basically said that she and I were on radically different pages.  This surprised me and made me very, very sad.  It also surfaced that my “shadow side” or ego, if you prefer, had clearly gotten control of late.  I suddenly realized that I had been wanting praise simply for doing the job I’m paid to do, because others hadn’t been doing theirs.  I had been buying into my own reputation instead of just being myself.

The words of the Al Chet hit like a rock.  I suddenly was aware of how cloudy my spirit has become in the last few months, and I didn’t like it.   I threw myself into the experience of Yom Kippur to try and purge myself of this shadow, or at least return it to its proper place.

I feel empty and whole, all at once.  Tomorrow I return to the challenge of living truly and honestly to myself in an environment that prizes many things that I do not.  I open my heart to this challenge, and know that as I have done the work of tikkun nefesh (reparing the soul) I am better prepared to do the work of tikkun olam (repairing the world).


Related posts:

I am Grateful / Yom Kippur Yom Tov- Yom Kippur Good Yom Tov Yom Hashoah Ritual Kol Nidre