Is Your Kavanah Killing You?

Mine was.  I realized this after a  lovely meltdown on Friday night.  I often joke with my friends about my adventures as a corporate priestess.  But in many ways I’m serious.  I try to put all my priestessing skills to work at work.  I do it to make the most of the opportunity I have — even if it’s not the opportunity I want.

A while back, I “discovered” a new morning prayer that I started using as my daily kavanah (intention) and it worked.  I was filling a role at work that I don’t like and frankly am not very good at, but apparently I was the best available.  It was my fervent hope to do better and help untangle the mess many of us had been left.  This daily prayer focused on helping be the kind of leader I want to be and be the kind of leader I want other people to be.

And it worked, like a charm (literally).

Here’s the big problem. I was released from this job responsibility and allowed to go back to my own job. Yeah! But I kept setting the same intention every day.  Until I had my meltdown I didn’t realize that it was a major part of the problem. Yes, there are real stresses and pressures at work.  Four rounds of layoffs are not fun for anyone, even those of us still left at the company. A major client fired us, needless to say that added more stress and pressure.

But my morning kavanah was not the right one anymore for me.  I needed to stop focusing on being a good leader and start focusing on being a joyful person who embraces life.  I needed to focus on helping myself and those around me end the day more fulfilled.  I needed to focus on getting back what I’m good at, not just getting by.

I’m a whole two days in to my new daily kavanah, and it’s a world of change.  It’s amazing how much of our own realities we create, for the good or bad.  It’s not about being Pollyanna and ignoring real injustices and problems.  It’s about reframing any situation so you are the best you can be in it and allowing yourself to actually be HAPPY!

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