This has been working for me lately. I am being rather successful at not eating sugar, wheat or dairy, which I AM allergic to. When I am at someone’ home and they offer me a forbidden homemade delight, I truthfully and enthusiastically join them in spirit and in their and other guests enjoyment of the delicacy. I might refuse, but say something like, “I don’t do sugar (or whatever), but I’m really enjoying your enjoyment of it”, and really mean it. I feast and share it visually or olfactorilly (sp?). This seems to work for me, primarily b/c I am wanting to honor my needs/choices but not set myself apart from the other person, or by default, cast judgement on their food choices. With regard to Kashrus, perhaps you can join your hubby in spirit for a bacon-vodka martini!

Good luck!

What a wonderful opportunity to wrestle! Just curious, what is leading you to want to keep (more traditionally) Kosher? and how does that weigh against the “I like it, its scrum-dili-icious?” For me, it’s pretty easy to acknowledge my craving and then make a different choice, but much more challenging to fly in the face of beloved family traditions.

Another thought, perhaps pork is traif for you, but it is not traif for your hubby, because he hasn’t made the covenent. One of the things I love about Judaism is the ingenuity of surmounting certain technical issues, such as erecting an eruv. Could you translate the eruv concept to your fridge/table, either literally or metaphorically (e.g. have a non-kosher shelf, or get a tiny fridge for non kosher items, or have a special placemat which would be the only non-kosher part of your table?) ….just some thoughts.

Blessings,
jess

I know lots of couples who differ in religious food practice, and while it can be a bit challenging, it certainly doesn’t predict divorce as long as folks respect one another. Such couples don’t need to define different food practices as “moral” or “immoral.”

Further, although we can theorize that kashrut was instituted to divide “us” and “them” (and indeed it serves that function for some) the Torah doesn’t say that is its purpose. Kashrut was probably instituted for multiple reasons, not all of which may be meaningful today. Religious practice tends to survive if it has multiple purposes that appeal across time, not one xenophobic purpose.

Phil’s comment was not appropriate, not to mention non-halakhic according to the Talmudic principle that one doesn’t deliberately embarrass someone (not even on-line on a public blog).

Keisha (my wife) practices a Norse path and sometimes eats pork to honor Frey — which is about as often as I touch pork except for that occasional pizza. I try to eat mindfully and seek to eat as close to an eco-kosher ideal as I can, trying to reach closer to the mark.

Personally, I wish people would worry about what go into their own mouths before they start judging what goes into others. I’m concerned with the intimacy between the divinity, myself and my ancestors. I really can’t say I’m that concerned with drawing a line between myself and non-Jews, even if some of my ancestors might have.

Phil — I expect people to have some basic manners. Clearly I know about the history or Kosher laws. I’m just saying that you’ve never left a comment on this site before and you kick it off my predicting doom for my marriage.

The post details the many ways the ways I am balancing my own spiritual needs with an interfaith marriage. Once again, you’re need for “predictions” is silly and thoroughly out of place with people you don’t know.

I didn’t call you an asshole — I don’t know you. I called your comment asshole-like.

True, I don’t know you. But you put intimate details (and food *is* intimate) on the Web for all the world, so what do you expect?

And on the theme of intimacy and food-sharing, if one partner begins to feel that his/her dietary choices are viewed as less moral by the other partner, then I predict a loss of intimacy in the relationship.

Kosher laws, after all, were first and foremost about drawing a bright line between Us and Them, even before there was such an abstraction as “Judaism.” Check Israel Finkelstein and Neil Asher Silberman’s archaeological book, THE BIBLE UNEARTHED, to see just how far back the avoidance of pork goes in the archaeological record.

Phil “insane asshole” Stanhope

Every time this quote has come up in study someone in the group has asked, “And how would HE know that pork is delicious?!”

I never said I need to keep a kosher home. If you read the post, you’d see that I said I feel called to follow more traditional kosher and am NOT keeping a kosher home – by my own choice.