In about a month I start training to become a priestess. A lot of people are asking me why I’m doing this. “Am I just doing it for myself,” they ask? “Is it going to be a career?”
The only is answer is that I’m doing it because it’s what I have to do. But that’s not entirely true. I could refuse. It’s a calling, not an order. That’s what’s so interesting about a calling – you can say no. I sure did for a while, and I’m sure most people do too. Think about – what would you do if you suddenly got a phone call and heard,
“Hi, it’s God. Just wanted to let you know that you got the job. I know you didn’t realize that you were applying for one – no one ever seems too, must talk to Michael about that, but you’ve got it. Take a little time and think about it. It’s a hard job and the pay isn’t always great, but be sure to check out the benefits package. What you earn in spiritual fulfillment, is really unbeatable.”*
You’d check to make sure someone hadn’t spiked your cocoa – that’s what you’d do.
I’m doing this because I need to do it. I have a choice, and I choose this road. I know it’s not going to be easy. I know it’s not something most people can or will understand. I know that and I still know I need to do this.
Now comes all the personal struggle and doubt. I start questioning my actions, my worth, my goals, my sanity. None of that matters – I’m still going to do it. Then I start imagining the first training intensive, and worry that the other women won’t like me. Worse – they won’t respect me and I’ll fail. And again, it doesn’t matter – I’m still walking this path.
How? I take one step at a time. I put one foot in front of the other. I banish the doubts of others. I gather my friends closer and hope they’ll understand this. I pray they’ll stand by me and support me. I’m doing this because deep down, at my truest self, it’s who I am. I think that’s what scares me the most.
*Not exactly word-for-word, but you get the point.
3 Replies to “Calling…Do you Answer?”
Good luck! I've felt called to a similar path, but haven't found my community to support me yet. Part of it has to do with my reluctance to engage the syngogue-based institutions that normative Judaism works under. Hopefully, I will find my nitch at some point.
I know that a men's program has been discussed. I think you're part of that conversation. I hope that after we get the women's program moving, we can help to support the growth of the men's program!
Carly – Thank you for sharing this. Know that I'm here for you along the journey, if only for tea breaks and long walks.
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